What do the movie “Lincoln” & hypnotherapy have in common?

“Times like this, I’m best alone.” – President Lincoln, from the film Lincoln

How often do your single friends, or friends in dysfunctional relationships, offer you dating advice? How often do you receive financial advice from friends or loved ones who are broke? Advice on what to do with your life from unhappy people? Or advice on how to do your job from an unqualified customer? Most of us are so quick to retort, to make the conversation about ourselves, and to give our two cents that there are now entire courses available on how to become an “active listener”… which is simply learning how to actually listen! Why do we exhaust ourselves with giving and receiving this noise?

I couldn’t help but think of this while watching the movie “Lincoln” for the second time late last night. In addition to it being one of the greatest films I haver ever seen with incredible performances, a deeply compelling story, and thick intrigue surrounding this epic man from our history, it is Lincoln’s relationship to advice that so quickly brought me back a second time. I needed to see it again. To see someone in the midst of pure and true chaos, make a decision from his heart, and stick with it.

Our advice-giving culture is apparently nothing new. While the politicians who disagreed with ending slavery obviously tried to defeat Lincoln and the 13th Amendment with their onslaught of “knowledge” and advice (among other things), even those who agreed with the 13th Amendment disagreed with Lincoln’s timing, or strategy, or motivation. Day and night Lincoln was bombarded with colleagues, family members, and enemies, all screaming at him, telling him what to do, and how to do it. Yet, in the midst of lofty guilt trips and voracious threats, he managed to end slavery in this country. How?

Lincoln listened to everyone, actively. Then he spent time alone, followed his heart, and accomplished extraordinary things.

“I was keenly aware of my aloneness”  ~ President Lincoln, from the film Lincoln

Hypnotherapy is a profound experience because it follows a similar trajectory.  We are all told what to do, how to do it, when we’re “wrong,” when we’re “right,” every day for our entire lives. Somewhere along the way one, or a few, of these seeds of advice can manifest in debilitating ways. After exhausting every other avenue to try and rid ourselves of this plight, we finally turn to self-hypnosis (because all hypnosis is self-hypnosis) for help.

Hypnotherapy sessions are life changing for a number of reasons, one of which is that my clients are finally listening to themselves for a change. Not to their mothers, not their teachers, not their bosses, not their best friends, not me; simply to their own thoughts and desires.

Hypnotherapy is also a solitary exercise. Best friends don’t come here and snuggle up on the couch together. I wonder, how often are you truly alone with your thoughts (meaning headphones out, t.v. off, book closed) in this city? Before they come here, many of my clients don’t even know what they think (or like or want or love) outside of the influences of their friends, family, and advertisements. I am sure they represent a much larger population.  

As always, I am immensely grateful for films that make me question the quality of my own life. While being hypnotized by “Lincoln,” I was reminded of the following points I have observed  during my career in hypnotherapy:

1. When we listen to others without giving advice, suggestions, or opinions, we hear much more than just the words they are saying. We learn what they need, what they’re afraid of, their aspirations, fears, motivations, and much more.
2. Exemplary leaders kindly, even silently, disregard all advice that is in opposition to their values and that which comes from blatantly non-expert as well as so-called-expert sources.
3. Whether by choice or out of necessity, leaders spend time alone, especially during difficult times.
4. Successful people follow their hearts. They know that the fleeting relief that comes from appeasing someone else’s wishes will pale in comparison to the torment of regret.
5. Those who follow steps 1- 4 accomplish extraordinary things.

To listen to a free hypnosis MP3 created with the above post in mind, click here and scroll down to “When You Are A Leader, What Will You Do?”.